The Top 14 Super Powers Most Coveted by Dogs
- Invisibath – The power to disappear at the first sound of bath water.
- ViseHump – The leg hump grip of steel.
- AquaField — Immunity to bucket of cold water when copulating in driveway.
- Keetvision– The ability to shoot laser beams from your eyes to blast that damn Frisbee out of the sky.
- SuperBladder — Loaded with Toxi-Urine — One lift of the leg and this town is mine!
- AnalTelepathy/ButtSniffery – Two powers which when combined allow one to smell another dog’s butt without actually having to get up and move around.
- John-O-Matic – Turns any toilet bowl into a punch bowl by sheer force of will.
- ChuckSpeed – Ability to catch that friggin’ Wagon Train.
- Anti-Psych-Out – Immunity to all that “fake throw” nonsense.
- VacuCalm – Utter self-control whenever the vacuum cleaner is turned on.
- GucciTract – An invincible digestive system that sustains itself entirely on designer shoes.
- King Fido’s Touch – Everything you touch turns into crap.
- DoberMorph — Ability to change into a Doberman anytime someone rolls up a newspaper.
And the #1 Super Power Most Coveted by Dogs…