Things A Dog Must Remember
- The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
-
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee
table. -
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa, or under the
bed. - I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
-
I will not eat the cats’ food, before they eat it or after they throw it
up. -
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the
house when I am about to get sick. - I will not throw up in the car.
-
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the
way they smell. - “Kitty box crunchies,” although they are tasty, are not food.
-
I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the
back yard after processing. - The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
- I will not chew my humans’ toothbrushes and not tell them.
-
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people
will think I am hemorrhaging. -
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when
it’s raining outside. - We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
- I will not steal Mom’s underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
- The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom’s & Dad’s laps.
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
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I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s
license and car registration. - I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
-
I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage, to
avoid having a string hanging out of my butt. -
I will not use “roll around in the dirt” as an option just after getting
a bath. -
Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is not an acceptable way of saying
hello. -
I will not hump on any person’s leg just because I think it is the right
thing to do. -
I will not fart in my owners’ faces while sleeping on the pillow next to
their heads. - I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
-
The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply, and just because the
water is blue, it doesn’t mean it is cleaner. -
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company
is here. - Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.
-
The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and when he makes that
noise, it’s usually not a good thing.
